So far today, I’ve made flapjacks. I cancelled that Doctor’s appointment I made, and I’m sitting in bed on my laptop with a hot water bottle. Why? Well, I feel like arse today, and I’m trying an experiment: what if, when I feel crap, I give myself permission to do only a bare minimum of things, and just rest?
For everyone who’s thinking, “but isn’t that what normal people do when they feel crap?” either the answer is no,
or I’m not normal. Though given the statistics for anxiety, I’m probably in good company. You see, what I *used* to do when I felt crap was drag my ass out of bed, force myself to do All The Things, beat myself up when I inevitably didn’t finish my to do list, and collapse into bed feeling like a failure and worrying about how behind I’m getting.
Yep. Really productive in the long term. Particularly for someone who’s only just regenerated up to 50% of full HP*.
It turns out that self-care is *hard*, particularly for someone who thinks that HMRC will turn up on her doorstep and shout at her if the kitchen is dirty or something**. But self-care isn’t just about not doing things that you don’t have the spoons for – it’s about doing things that will help you to feel better, both now and later***. Maybe a hot bath will loosen your muscles and help you relax, or working on an art project will improve your skills, de-stress you, and make you feel accomplished.
I used to be pretty regular with it, but I fell out of the habit this past month. I guess I thought I had more important stuff to do, like laundry. End result? Yep, I’m more anxious, and my productivity has fallen.
I find the timing myself/deciding what to do parts of meditation are a bit of a deterrent – gods save me from anxiety loops – so I’m going to be lazy and do guided meditation. I love the http://www.meditainment.com set of guided meditations, and there’s a free one called The Secret Garden which is one of my favourites. It’s read by a woman who has a british accent and the world’s most soothing voice. They’re only 20 minutes or so long, so it’s hardly a time sink.
Right. Let’s get started. I’ll let you know how I’m doing.
*gaming metaphor. I make no apologies.
**HMRC probably won’t. My parents might. Or maybe my flatmate, or the postman, or something. It’s a legitimate fear, honest!
***”sleep” is an allowed answer to this question.