Thinking Writing Ninja


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Jobsearch Thoughts

Short update before I talk about my jobsearch: I meditated yesterday and today, I felt better, stuff got done – at least yesterday. Today I haven’t been quite so productive.

It’s been about 9 months since I left uni, and only in the past few weeks have I really been well enough to think about looking for a job. So I started looking – wrote a CV, a few sample covering letters, and starting sending off applications to various admin-type jobs – mostly because I’m pretty qualified for them and those sorts of jobs are good for reliable, part-time work.* I’m definitely not up for full-time work just yet.

I’ve only just realised a problem: what if I get called for an interview?

Problem the first: I have no interview clothes.

This one isn’t totally insoluble – my plan was to bike up to asda and grab a pair of black slacks and a smart top – with all the money I totally don’t have because I’m on JSA and Kaitlyn** is on ESA and that’s all the money we have for food and bills and there’s pretty much nothing left over.

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I’ve got this smart black-and-grey dress which looks sortof like this in shape and length, which I could wear with some smart black shoes, but I’ve no idea if that sort of thing’s acceptable.

Problem the Second is make-up. It’s pretty much expected that a woman will wear makeup to an interview, and if someone’s skintone can be called “unprofessional”, my somewhat blotchy, occasionally blemished face pretty much fits the bill. I’m not doing myself any favours, at least in a professional setting. The rest of the time I prefer to look as androgynous as I can, so I don’t wear any – and thus I don’t own any that I’ve bought recently.

I’m willing to shove some on to improve my chances of being hired – as far as I can tell I’m one of those people best summed up by the phrase “scrubs up well” – but this is another expense. And buying foundation is *hard* (I have enough of the rest to make do, really – eyeliner and eyeshadow keep well). Walking around with a yellow/orange mask on my face is not going to help things any.

I think part of the reason I’m worrying about my appearance is so that I don’t have to worry about, you know, everything else. I’ve never been to a formal interview (despite having had two jobs) and the whole going to work to actually support myself financially has never been something I’ve had to do before. So if I worried about those things, I’d likely curl up in a corner and hide or something.

Well. I’ve started meditating again and I’m back on my excellent anxiety meds***. That’s probably a better start to a jobsearch than a new pair of slacks. Wish me luck.

Ninja hugs,

Roisin
*part-time work with bizarre changing shifts would probably send me into an early grave. 

** my lovely girlfriend, who lives at prettypsychoshy.wordpress.com. 

***Yes, I quit them for a bit. Yes, it was a stupid idea.

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Get Better At Stuff: Self-Care

So far today, I’ve made flapjacks. I cancelled that Doctor’s appointment I made, and I’m sitting in bed on my laptop with a hot water bottle. Why? Well, I feel like arse today, and I’m trying an experiment: what if, when I feel crap, I give myself permission to do only a bare minimum of things, and just rest? 

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For everyone who’s thinking, “but isn’t that what normal people do when they feel crap?” either the answer is no,

 or I’m not normal. Though given the statistics for anxiety, I’m probably in good company. You see, what I *used* to do when I felt crap was drag my ass out of bed, force myself to do All The Things, beat myself up when I inevitably didn’t finish my to do list, and collapse into bed feeling like a failure and worrying about how behind I’m getting. 

Yep. Really productive in the long term. Particularly for someone who’s only just regenerated up to 50% of full HP*. 

It turns out that self-care is *hard*, particularly for someone who thinks that HMRC will turn up on her doorstep and shout at her if the kitchen is dirty or something**. But self-care isn’t just about not doing things that you don’t have the spoons for – it’s about doing things that will help you to feel better, both now and later***. Maybe a hot bath will loosen your muscles and help you relax, or working on an art project will improve your skills, de-stress you, and make you feel accomplished. 

Me, I’m going to meditate. Image

I used to be pretty regular with it, but I fell out of the habit this past month. I guess I thought I had more important stuff to do, like laundry. End result? Yep, I’m more anxious, and my productivity has fallen. 

I find the timing myself/deciding what to do parts of meditation are a bit of a deterrent – gods save me from anxiety loops – so I’m going to be lazy and do guided meditation. I love the http://www.meditainment.com set of guided meditations, and there’s a free one called The Secret Garden which is one of my favourites. It’s read by a woman who has a british accent and the world’s most soothing voice. They’re only 20 minutes or so long, so it’s hardly a time sink.

Right. Let’s get started. I’ll let you know how I’m doing. 

Ninja hugs, 

Roisin

*gaming metaphor. I make no apologies.

**HMRC probably won’t. My parents might. Or maybe my flatmate, or the postman, or something. It’s a legitimate fear, honest!

***”sleep” is an allowed answer to this question.