So, I seem to have had a small success: a day where I did some useful chore-like things, and had some time playing Alice: Madness returns, and have arrived at the end of the day not thinking “oh god, I have to do that again tomorrow?”
I’m not sure if the citalopram-induced apathy (which has, I think, been a big problem this past week) is lifting or if my walk to the bus stop in the snow just cheered me up loads but either way, I visited the job centre, made some tasty food, and did some dishes and laundry. This morning while I was heading to the job centre, lots of anxiety somehow managed to get through the fog of “I don’t care about anything, no seriously, even my pain responses are dead”, which probably just means that it was a metric fuckton of anxiety.
Still, they were nice and gave me a backdated claim form because it’s their fault I haven’t had Jobseeker’s Allowance for the past month. Need to fill it in and post it tomorrow – I’m trying not to worry about that too much now. I can worry about it tomorrow, when I really ought to be going to the doctor to get a repeat for my citalopram and talk about my insomnia, which is better but not cured and feels like it might come back at any time.
I even did my chi kung. I’ll talk about it more in another post, but it’s much like tai chi – slow, flowing movements with deep breathing that are sort of like meditation in motion, and it helps relieve tension, strengthen muscles, and promote good circulation and lymphatic flow, all without any sweating or high-impact movement. Which is good for me since I’m not all that well and though I used to run, I think trying one right now would wipe me out for the rest of the day*. Anyway, it makes me feel – not energetic exactly, but awake and alive and capable of going about my day**.
Anyway I’m really happy cause I seem to be getting better at it, an the better you are at it the more benefit you get. See? I *really like* positive feedback loops. I hope tomorrow is a good day, for me and anyone reading this.
*And as a bonus you won’t ruin your knees or tear any ligaments.
**Do normal people feel like this all the time?